Anonymous Anecdotes Vol. 1 "Doody Calls to the Bullpen"
(Photo Creds runnersworld.com)
DNR was founded on the basis of giving baseball fans an outlet to hear behind the scenes stories of players that they otherwise might never hear. So far it's been great, we have had a lot of awesome guests with a lot of different experiences that are often times never heard publicly. While every player has something to share, every player also has something that they can't share. We all find ourselves in scenarios in life that we can't wait to tell our best friends about, but pray they are the only ones who ever hear about it. Let me tell you, the baseball world is no different.
While these stories can't be shared on the mic, we want an outlet where they can, indeed, be let loose. So, we are officially introducing "Anonymous Anecdotes" for baseball players everywhere. One rule of this series, no names allowed. This is fight club of online blogs, while you can share the story, you just can't share who told it. With that being said, we start with one of my all time favorites.
What a lot of people don't know about minor league baseball is just how vulnerable the visiting team is. As the visitor, you have absolutely no clue what you are walking into, from hoping there are restaurants near the hotel, to hoping for a cool clubby, to most importantly, praying there is a bathroom in the dugout. The problem is, when you are in the lowest of levels in the minors, you are more often than not bound to be let down on these tall wishes. In this circumstance, our storyteller was a prime example.
"We are sitting in the bullpen and notice there are no bathrooms within walking distance" storyteller says, "the bullpen was stationed in left field, and closest one is behind right field wall. No bathroom in dugout, no access to locker room from bullpen, and you can't run across the field mid-game." This is the nightmare scenario, the one where you have to think twice about putting hot sauce on your eggs for breakfast.
"Well sure enough the 7th inning rolls around and the manager radios down to tell me I have the 8th inning. I get up and throw a couple pitches and I knew I was in trouble." One source said "we saw him throw one pitch wide right, one pitch wide left, then grab his stomach and tell us he had to shit." Storyteller went on say the worst part was he knew this was no solid one approaching, this was going to be a "messy one". "So I tell the other guys and we all start trying to figure out what my best option was."
Being a pitcher myself, this is one of my favorite parts of the story. The bullpen is like a shower, your best thoughts just seem to be brewed while you're out there. So I can imagine multiple 19-22 year old dudes cooking up what they felt like was the best plan of action for this guy to take a steamer before getting on the mound. "I told myself I have two options" storyteller said " I either find a place to do it out here, or I shit myself in front of everyone right in the middle of the 8th."
Decision sounds incredibly easy to me, this guy approached a cross roads and had to look in the mirror. He was going to be a good story either way, might as well be clean when it's told. "So luckily there was a giant wall in right field where we couldn't really be seen by the fans. So I pulled over the big plastic trashcan to the corner of the pen, sat up on it, and did the deed." But don't worry, he reassured he was "clean ass" when he took the bump. "Ya I grabbed a training towel and wiped with it. I went out and punched two in the 8th so it all worked out."
Sources in the bullpen agreed that it was hilarious, but it was lethal too. "Within two seconds this thing was clogging your esophagus. It was like a mixture of sweat and shit that combined to make the entire bullpen gag."
So there you have it, baseball players are humans too. Everyone has had this feeling hit you like a truck in a time that is not ideal, now imagine you are about to perform entertainment in front of hundreds of people and you have to make a decision. Hats off to our storyteller for jumping into action quickly, and doing what needed to be done for the betterment of the team. Some in the bullpen might disagree, but a clean 8th is better than a messy 8th ( in multiple ways).
Also, shoutout to field crew at this place, those guys got more than they bargained for that night for sure.